The One Skill All Great Speakers Possess

great speakers

Captivating an audience is not an easy feat, especially for those of us who are not “natural” public speakers, or who struggle with major stage fright. There is one skill guaranteed to keep your audience engaged and interested, and it doesn’t require making a sound. We’re talking about using silence in the form of well-timed pauses.
Stage fright is a real thing. It is rare that a person is a natural orator and can captivate an audience with little to no practice, and without anxiety. None of us are born with impeccable speaking skills, not even Barack Obama or Bill Clinton. Although some people are more comfortable on stage than others, they too have had to practice, practice, practice.

One Skill All Great Speakers Possess: Knowing How To Use Strategic Pauses

Do you possess effective oral presentation skills? All skilled speakers require lots of practice, and many have teams of coaches and communication experts behind them, à la Obama. For most of us, receiving feedback, learning tips and techniques along the way – strategic pauses, for example – and frequent practice will fill the bill.
Luckily, we don’t need an entourage of coaches to help us become the next Tony Robbins.
Whether it’s a presentation for colleagues, a keynote speech or simply story time with the kids, there is one sure-fire way to capture your audience’s attention: using silence in the form of strategically-placed pauses.

How to Do It

Great leaders and great speakers know their role is not simply to speak, but rather to make the audience think. An audience cannot possibly think, if it is busy trying to keep up with the rate of the speaker’s words and ideas!
Speakers often receive feedback that includes a suggestion to “slow down!!” It is not necessarily the rate of the words that is moving at hyper-speed, but rather, the rate of ideas.
When we tell our clients to “slow down,” we’re not talking about the rate of speech, but rather how quickly they are moving from one idea to another. This is where the well-timed, engaging pause comes in. Think about the flow of your ideas. Use pauses strategically when you switch from one idea to another. Watch audience members shift to the edge of their seat, as they anticipate what you’re going to say next.

Stage Fright: Why We Always Speak Too Quickly

Typically, we speak quickly when we’re under the spotlight because we are nervous (or terrified!) and want the experience to end as soon as possible. The thought of drawing out the presentation with pauses probably sounds like a nightmare. It’s critical to keep in mind that to you, the presentation probably feels like it is dragging on, never ending. For the audience, this isn’t the case. Inserting strategic pauses, thus slowing down the rate of ideas, will not bore your audience and will not lengthen your speech. All it will do is keep your audience interested and engaged. Slowing the rate of ideas will also increase your Executive Presence by sustaining your physical presence on-stage and helping you stay focused and calm. Remember: the audience is on your side and wants you to succeed.
Mark Twain was correct in saying, “The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.”

Authenticity as a Leader and Authentic Leadership Development

Building relationships

Define: au·then·tic
Adjective
Of undisputed origin; genuine” (Google.com)

In today’s professional landscape, authenticity as a leader has frequently been discussed in business circles. Similar to executive presence, its definition within a corporate context can sometimes be unclear. Authenticity essentially refers to a person’s genuine self, distinguishing between sincerity and pretence. It’s the cornerstone of authentic leadership, embodying qualities such as emotional intelligence and integrity. When leaders demonstrate authenticity, it improves job satisfaction and fosters trust among employees. This genuine approach not only strengthens professional relationships but also contributes to a positive work environment.

Developing Authenticity in Leadership

Becoming an authentic leader requires reflection, openness to feedback, and a willingness to learn from mistakes. It involves developing trust through consistent actions and transparent communication. Authentic leaders influence others by being genuine role models, creating an environment where individuals feel valued and empowered. They foster a culture of honesty and accountability, encouraging open dialogue and collaboration. Developing authenticity as a leader also involves acknowledging and embracing diversity, as well as recognizing the unique perspectives and contributions of each employee. Your authentic leadership style requires self-awareness, vulnerability, and a commitment to personal growth, continuously striving to align actions with values. Authenticity in leadership is not about perfection but about genuine connection and making a positive impact.

The Importance of Authentic Leadership

The importance of authentic leadership lies in its ability to create trust and inspire others. Authentic leaders are genuine and true to themselves, which helps create strong relationships based on honesty and integrity. When leaders are authentic, it creates a positive work environment where team members feel valued and respected. Authentic behaviour encourages open communication, productivity, and collaboration, leading to better teamwork. Overall, the importance of authentic leadership cannot be overstated, as it lays the foundation for a positive workplace culture and drives organizational success and employee engagement.

Trust Versus Competence as an Authentic Leader

Trust versus competence is a crucial balance in leadership. While competence refers to the skills and abilities needed to perform tasks effectively, trust is about reliability, honesty, and integrity. Employee trust is earned through consistent actions, active listening, transparency, and genuine concern for others. Leaders who prioritize competence over trust may be seen as distant or authoritarian, which can hinder effective communication and teamwork. Therefore, successful leaders strive to balance both trust and competence, recognizing that trust is the foundation upon which effective leadership is built. They lead by example, demonstrating both their expertise and their integrity, earning the respect and loyalty of their colleagues.

According to Amy Cuddy and her team, our initial instinct when meeting someone is to showcase our competence, aiming to impress with our intelligence and success potential. However, this focus on competence overlooks the crucial aspect of building relationships based on warmth and personal connection. Cuddy identifies two archetypes: the “Lovable Fool” (high warmth, low competence) and the “Competent Jerk” (low warmth, high competence). In scenarios like a job interview, interviewers are more likely to favour the “lovable fool” which demonstrates warmth, authenticity, and a willingness to learn over the aloof “competent jerk” who lacks interpersonal skills.

This insight underscores the importance of authenticity in making lasting impressions. Corinne Lavictoire emphasizes that striving for perfection in competence neglects the essence of being memorable and building trust through authenticity and warmth. Authenticity fosters trust, which in turn cultivates stronger and more enduring relationships. In essence, prioritizing warmth and genuine connection over a mere display of competence leads to more meaningful interactions and better outcomes in both personal and professional settings.

Authentic Leaders: Transformational, not Transactional Connections

Authentic leaders focus on transformative connections rather than just transactional ones. They value meaningful connections with their team members, striving to inspire and empower them to reach their full potential. Transformative connections go beyond the surface level. For example, a transactional relationship in a workplace might involve a manager assigning tasks to an employee and providing rewards or incentives for completing them. In contrast, a transformative setting would involve the manager taking the time to understand the employee’s strengths, interests, and career goals and providing mentorship and support to help them grow and develop professionally. Displaying authentic leadership skills involves fostering positive transformational connections that inspire growth, foster collaboration, and drive meaningful change within their organizations.

The importance of balancing competence with trust cannot be overstated. While competence is essential to an organization’s leadership brand, trust is the key to authenticity as a leader in driving long-term success. Authentic leaders lead by example, demonstrating both their expertise and their integrity and earning the respect and loyalty of their team members. Being authentic and displaying transparency are principles that guide a good leader.

For more information on how you can increase your authenticity as a leader and build trusting relationships in business, take a look at our Executive Presence and Leadership Skills workshop for leadership development! In addition, check out our blog post: “The Top 4 Leadership Qualities That Make A Great Leader” to read more about trust.

I have an engineering degree and an MBA – Now what?

leadership skills

We don’t need to tell you that the corporate landscape is shifting and changing, and has been for some time. Many factors have led to this changing landscape – expectations have shifted, gender dynamics are different and technology has played a major role. Career objectives aside, for young people, just finding a job after college, in this highly competitive market, is a major challenge. More young people than ever have completed degrees and this leads to fierce competition.
There is nothing wrong with a little healthy competition. The issue is that many young people believe a target career is sufficient. They are not prepared to face the challenges associated with meeting their career aspirations. They believe their degrees will automatically land them jobs – but what about all the other young people with identical qualifications, vying for the same jobs?
Colombe Nadeau-O’Shea, a consultant with Corporate Class Inc., and a specialist in professional presence for emerging leaders, recently interviewed company President and Founder, Diane Craig.
Colombe’s goal was to understand what it takes – beyond a specific career objective and the necessary credentials – to enter the job market, secure a relevant position and ensure career advancement.
Colombe Nadeau-O’Shea: Do all my impressive degrees imply I have leadership skills? If it’s not about the degrees and the titles, what makes a good leader?
Diane Craig: Certainly, having an engineering degree and MBA shows your level of discipline, gives you the required credentials and gets you in the door for an interview.
It shows your ambition. That’s why organizations often require that in addition to an engineering degree, people also have an MBA.
Competition is fierce out there. What differentiates you are the intangibles, like your people skills. Are you reliable? Can we trust you? Are you trainable? Are you likeable?
Currently, when it comes to leadership, organizations are looking for authentic management talent. They want people who know how to motivate every individual on their team, how to review performance, build relationships, overcome adversity and make decisions based on productivity, not politics. There’s a Gallup Report that illustrates how only two in ten people have these skills. True leaders know how to motivate and inspire.
C: So, I have these degrees, but I want to increase my leadership ability – what is the first step?
D: Ask for feedback! Find out what your strengths and weaknesses are. Do a personal SWOT analysis.
The next stage is to focus on your strengths. The stronger your strengths are, they more they will out-shine the areas that need improvement.
If you have a weakness or flaw, that’s the next thing to focus on and correct.
C: Who should provide feedback?
D: If you want to have a true picture of what your reputation is and what your brand is, ask bosses, colleagues, direct reports, mentors, coaches, professors, family, and friends. Everyone! Feedback is one of the most important career assessment tools.
C: Is leadership presence the same thing as executive presence?
D: EP is multifaceted. It is more than leadership abilities. In order to be anointed as a leader you must be perceived as one. For that reason, we focus on EP first – because it is about you. Once you’re anointed as a leader, then we move on to leadership presence, which is about helping your teams’ performance and productivity.
C: How would increasing my executive presence, or professional presence, help me enter the job market and my career objective?
D: Both provide the competitive edge needed to make you stand out. There are often several applicants with similar educational backgrounds, applying for the same job. During the interview, people typically focus on demonstrating their competencies but these are already established. They forget how to first build the relationship, instill credibility, and trust in who they are.
C: So really, it’s a matter of hard skills versus soft skills?
D: To the interviewer, the applicants probably all appear to be very similar. What’s going to make the difference is the person who has more presence, and a humble confidence – not an arrogant confidence.
C: I’m a terrible interviewee – can you give me some presentation skills tips that might help me in my future interviews?
D: I take it here, that by presentation skills, you mean, how you present yourself?
C: Yes, that’s what I mean.
Remember, there are two considerations – how you present yourself, and how you present information. First, how you present yourself:

  • Rehearse the art of handshaking
  • Remember to consistently maintain eye contact and to smile
  • Be aware of any distracting habits and ask for feedback to help correct those distractions

When it comes to presenting information:

  • Get to the point immediately
  • Don’t burden your listener with context at the beginning
  • Make your statement, explain why and how, and then provide context

And think about what you want the person to do with this information. If it’s hiring you, then say: “I hope this meets with your expectations and represents the ideal candidate you are looking for.”
C: Any final thoughts on the importance of possessing effective leadership skills and / or professional presence when entering the job market?
D: When new recruits enter the job market, they usually focus on their technical skills, unaware that behavioural skills propel careers. Behavioural skills – like the ability to build relationships, to present yourself with confidence and poise, and to establish credibility – are mandatory for effective leaders.
Surveys repeatedly show that people hire for technical skills and fire for behavioural missteps.
With more and more people attending university, receiving degrees and increasing their technical skills, now more than ever, there is a need for students to differentiate themselves. The best way to do this, and to open doors to your career choices, is to take steps to increase your professional presence, and to focus on the development of your soft skills.
To find out Learn how you can increase your professional presence –
check out our website and take a look at our courses!

Top 3 Ways to Build Confidence Before an Important Event

Building confidence.

Getting ready to deliver a big presentation? Going to a networking event that you’re nervous about? Heading into a crucial meeting, or a crucial conversation?

Whatever the critical scenario may be, in order to successfully maneuver it and come out on top, one must approach it with confidence (a humble confidence, of course).

That’s great, but where do you get this confidence? Well, we feel most confident when we are prepared. It’s one thing to show up at a crucial meeting and wing it; it’s another entirely to take the time to prepare before the meeting, to show up with facts and figures to support your arguments. It’s guaranteed that if you took the time to prepare for that meeting, or any other important event, the outcome would likely be much different. The more you know, the more confident you will be and appear to others. The more you prepare, the more your executive presence will shine through.

Here are top three ways you can prepare and build confidence before any important event:

1. Find out as much as you can about the event/meeting/presentation beforehand.

Do your homework! In order to prepare adequately for the event or presentation, find out as much as you can about it: Who will be there? Where exactly is it? What is the dress code? Who will you be sitting beside? The more you can find out ahead of time, the better able you will be to prepare adequately.

2. How well do you know the people attending?

The more you know about the people who will be in attendance the better, especially if it’s a networking event! Contact the organizer and find out who’s going to be there. If possible, look up the individuals and find out as much as you can about them. Knowing about the people you’ll be interacting with will not only make you feel more at ease, but will impress those you talk to as well. It can also help you to converse with those around you, as you can mention something about the person that you saw while doing your homework.

3. Make notes. Know your material.

Michael Bay, producer of Transformers, showed us that being unprepared – not knowing your material, relying on teleprompters – does not work. Things go wrong. Technology fails us. To avoid potential mishaps, knowing your material can save you a lot of embarrassment.

We’re all so busy in our day-to-day lives that we often forget to take the time to prepare for crucial scenarios thoroughly. We rely too closely on technology working well, on our instincts, on our experiences. Confidence is key when approaching any critical scenario, and the best way to feel confident is to prepare. When you approach a critical scenario with confidence and poise, you project executive presence.

Want to learn more about how you can communicate your executive presence to others? Visit our website and take a look at our Workshops and Courses!

Public Speaking and Presentation Skills 101

presentation-skills-torontoFor many people, presenting in front of a group of peers, clients or superiors can be seriously intimidating! However, nailing presentations of any kind is one sure-fire way to increase your Executive Presence on the spot and seriously impress your boss. But, how to overcome the nerves? How can you make your presentation on numbers or statistics as interesting and engaging as possible? How can you command attention from everyone in the room throughout your whole presentation? There’s a lot that goes into a successful presentation, so we’ve compiled a list of four suggestions that you can follow while preparing for your next presentation to help you get started.

  1. Organize your presentation
    Make sure you’ve put thought into the content of your presentation (i.e. your use of language and your use of jargon and acronyms) as well as the structure of the presentation (i.e. the strategy and order of ideas). Your structure should look something like this: Conclusion, Points supporting the conclusion, Sub-points supporting your main points and finally Conclude your talk.
  2. Manage your stress
    There’s noting more painful to watch than someone on stage who is clearly completely uncomfortable being there and who’s presentation is suffering because of it. Don’t forget that the people in the audience are there to listen to you and welcome you – they are on your side! Whether or not you’re a born speaker, being able to manage stress can make even the most frightful public speaker appear at ease and comfortable on stage. Here are a few ways you can manage your stress both before and during your presentation:- Prepare and rehearse before hand.- Arrive early
    – Power pose (for more on this, check out our blog post on power posing)
    – Drink lots of water
    – Think positively
    – Make eye contact with the audience
    – Speak on the exhale
    – Find friends in the audience
  3. Project and inspire confidence
    One way to ensure a successful presentation is the projection of confidence! That’s the only way the audience will believe what you are saying. One of the easiest ways of doing this is to make eye contact with everyone in the room. A great way to do this is to scan all four corners of the room right when you walk in, so you’ve already acknowledge all the people in the room. When entering the room, enter on the exhale – this will project calmness and confidence.
    Presenting in front of a group of people doesn’t have to be an automatic stress-inducer! Being well-prepared is half the battle; if you take the time and make the necessary preparations, chances are very high that you will go into your next presentation feeling confident, ready and at ease. If you want to learn more about how to increase your presentation skills, check out our Course and Lunch and Learn on presentation skills.
  4. It’s ok to use notes, however…
    Using notes during a presentation is fine, and encouraged, however be sure to have proper notes ready, and not a full script that you will read from. “Proper notes” entails notes that have been shortened and made simple, and which present only main ideas, where each line includes only about 4-5 words. Bullet points are used to indicate the flow of ideas. The idea with proper notes is that they prevent you from “reading,” however still prompt you with your next thought.

Top 3 Ways You Can Instantly Improve Your LinkedIn Profile – And Why It’s Important to do So

3D rendering of a pile of Linkedin logos

It’s no secret that social media has taken the world by storm in the last decade or so; the way we socialize with one another will never be the same. Our private lives are now public, and it is possible for strangers to become friends with a simple mouse click. Social media and the way we engage with the World Wide Web has also changed the way we handle ourselves as business people. One of the most significant changes was the introduction of LinkedIn.

LinkedIn is so influential for a number of reasons. Firstly, it provides professionals with an online platform to reach out to other like-minded individuals in their field. Secondly, it is quickly becoming an important hub for those looking for career opportunities. Thirdly, it represents a huge source of potential clients for many individuals.

All of these aspects of LinkedIn are only a few of the reasons why it is so wonderful and so important. However, in order to be able to take full advantage of the countless possibilities LinkedIn offers, one must have a top-notch profile, or risk getting completely ignored. So, what can you do to instantly improve your profile? Here are a few starting points:

  1. Use a professional head shot

If you do not have a photograph on your profile, you risk not getting seen at all! When do you not have a photograph (a professional one that is in line with your brand – not one of you and your dog please!), people are more likely to either: skip viewing your profile entirely, or read your whole profile in detail, trying to figure you out. When you have a professional head shot that is in line with your brand, people who view your profile are much more willing to trust the content of your page.

  1. Use a catchy “title”

It’s wonderful that you are a Consultant, or VP of Sales, but what kind of consultant? What do you sell? We all know that people move quickly on the web, so try using a catchy title that will grab people’s attention, such as “I can help transform your life – and your wardrobe!” in reference to someone who might be a wardrobe consultant. Try to make it fun, expressive and different.

  1. Triple-check your bio and content – and update it regularly

We know you’ve been busy, which is great! That also means that you could probably update your profile as well. The more accurate and current it is, the better. It is extremely important that you triple check all spelling and grammar, as the last thing you want is your bio littered with typos! In addition, you don’t necessarily need your 2-year serving career from your twenty’s on there – keep it relevant.

Although sometimes daunting, LinkedIn can provide a wealth of potential connections, clients,employees and careers. All you have to do to make the most out of your profile, at least as a starting point, is follow the three rules stated above. There are, of course, many more details to take into account for your LinkedIn profile – if you would like to find out more about how you can have the best LinkedIn profile out there, check out our Lunch and Learn on Virtual Communications.

Five Business Networking Faux-Pas To Avoid For Young Professionals

business-networking-young-professionalsStarting your career in your chosen field is certainly an exciting time in your life. As your career begins to take off and flourish, there are certain activities and behaviours you can engage in to make the transition into work like more successful and fulfilling. One of these activities is often dreaded and feared by most, let alone young professionals who have little to no practice engaging in it: networking.

Despite this inherent fear, many people choose to overcome it and engage in as many networking opportunities as possible. They do so because they’ve realized one simple truth: your network is your net-worth. The more people you know, the more relationships you form, the more you will succeed in your field, whatever field that may be and regardless of the position you hold.

Now that we’ve established the importance of networking, there are some behaviours to stay away from when at a networking event. These behaviours will serve to not only undermine your executive presence, but will also result in a less-than-stellar networking “performance.” Here are four faux-pas to avoid while networking:

  1. Smelling like smoke
    It is understandable that many people smoke these days. However, if you are a smoker, it is really important that you do not go into a networking event right after smoking a cigarette. Non-smokers (and even many smokers) can’t handle the smell of second hand smoke on someone else. Remember, you are going to this event to meet people and engage them, and turning them off with cigarette smoke is not a great way to start.
  2. Trying to talk to everyoneIt is true that in networking and in business networking, the idea is to touch as many people as possible. You definitely do not want to be talking to the same person the whole night, as that defeats the purpose! However, you don’t want to be simply introducing yourself to someone, handing them your card and then moving on. It is important to establish a rapport with someone before you exit the conversation, to ensure they remember you. Handing them your card is simply not enough to do that.
  1. Have professional-looking business cards, no matter what stage you’re at
    Even if you are still a student, it is important to have professional-looking business cards (and enough of them!). Heavy card stock is always good, and a simple, clean look can go a long way. Make sure your information is easy to read and straightforward. If you are a student, your school likely has a business card format that you could use.
  2. Don’t bring a friend
    The idea at networking events is to meet new people, not to catch up with a friend. Often, when friends go to networking events together, they spend most of their time talking to each other. Going alone will force you to engage with and talk to others.
  3. Don’t drink too much
    This may seem like an obvious one, but often in stressful situations where we don’t feel the most comfortable, another glass of wine usually seems like a great idea. Having a few drinks over the course of the evening is acceptable; overdoing it to the point of inebriation will seriously damper your chances of a successful evening of networking. Pace yourself to one drink an hour, alternate with a glass of water or soft drink, with an absolute limit or three.

Networking can sometimes be scary and intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. If you are equipped with the right tools and know what behaviours to avoid, chances are you will have a fun and successful networking experience! Networking doesn’t always have be done at organized networking events, either. Check out our post on unique places you can network!

Self-Knowing and Authenticity

Alas! We have finally reached the last blog post on Leadership Presence – self-knowing and authenticity. Over the past few weeks, we’ve discovered what leadership presence means, what it can do for you, and how to attain it. Last week we began to dissect the final piece of the puzzle in the quest to obtaining leadership presence: self-knowing. This week, we continue with this theme but discuss it in terms of authenticity.

91282252C2

What is authenticity? Well, at its most basic level, it means to be genuine. To be genuine is to be oneself. The ability to connect with others in the business world is of the utmost importance, however the connecting must be done genuinely, or authentically, for it to have any meaning or impact.

According to Belle Linda Halpern and Kathy Lubar, authors of “Leadership Presence: Dramatic Techniques to Reach Out, Motivate and Inspire”, there are three rules for authenticity. We shall discuss each in detail below.

Rule #1: Accept yourself and be open to growth (Halpern and Lubar 230)

Many of the greatest leaders feel comfortable and happy with themselves, despite their shortcomings. They know of their weaknesses and work to improve them, however they also accept them. When you’re aware of, and accepting of, your limitations it will allow you to develop the skills you need to overcome them. In addition, a good leader will know if their limitations cannot be overcome, at least in a timely manner, and in that case will delegate the task to someone more appropriately equipped to handle the situation. One of the best ways to accept yourself is to be open to hearing commentary about yourself and your performance, including criticism.

Rule #2: Live your values (Halpern and Lubar 235)

 In the last blog, we discussed values and how important they are to a leader. Well, it’s one thing to have values, however it’s another to put them into practice, especially in a workplace setting. Halpern and Lubar suggest leaders take two related steps in order to make sure their actions are congruent with their values:

  1. Ask others straight up if they believe you are someone who lives your values.
  2. Every time you speak of your values, ask others to tell you when your actions don’t align with your values.

It’s one thing to realize or discover that your actions don’t align with your values. If and when you do realize this, it is imperative you do some soul searching in order to figure out why this discrepancy exists, and then come up with a plan to correct the discrepancy. Remember, when your actions and values don’t align, you risk being perceived as inauthentic.

Rule #3: Create an authentic connection to work (Halpern and Lubar 240)

In order for a leader to be their most inspiring, authentic self, they must connect their values and interior life to the work that they do, similarly to how actors need to create a true connection to the characters they are portraying. At the end of the day, it is simply about creating meaning; if you truly believe in what you do and say, others will recognize that and will want to follow you. Connecting authentically with others allows the leader, as well as the led, to connect with something “bigger than themselves and their own self-interest” (Halpern and Lubar 247).

Being a leader is not about being “the boss”; it is about much more than that. It’s about inspiring, connecting, and motivating others to succeed and reach their highest potential. It is about communication, values, and the ability to make decisions. The steps we’ve outlined over the past few weeks are not necessarily the easiest things to do (opening up to others and becoming vulnerable is typically an anxiety-causing activity for most), however, if put into practice, they will help you achieve the leadership presence you deserve and need to reach the next level.

Works Cited

Halpern, Belle Linda and Kathy Lubar. Leadership Presence: Dramatic Techniques to Reach Out, Motivate and Inspire. New York: Gotham Books, 2003. Print.

 

Leadership Presence: Reaching Out and Making Connections

As our series of blogs on Leadership Presence continues, our hope is that you take some of these suggestions into practice, in order to foster leadership presence in yourself, not just at work, but in every aspect of your life.

iStock_000015414865Small_610_300_s_c1_center_center

Last week we discussed reaching out and empathy, and this week we continue on the topic of reaching out, but specifically reaching out and making connections.

According to Belle Linda Halpern and Kathy Lubar, authors of “Leadership Presence: Dramatic Techniques to Reach Out, Motivate and Inspire”, empathy not only requires seeing and feeling, but also expression. What do they mean by this? It is what you do to communicate and act upon empathy that truly counts.

The focus of this entry is building relationships. The trick to building relationships, which is absolutely necessary if you want to be considered a leader, is to do so with empathy. But how?

 

Rules For Building Empathetic Relationships (Halpern and Lubar 109)

  1. Listen to build relationships
    1. This week again we see the importance of listening. The authors suggest listening for subtext (look for hidden meaning and emotion in the persons words). In addition, they suggest listening for the persons values and strengths, which can be an easy way to connect with someone.
  2. Acknowledge the person
    1. It is important, when listening, to acknowledge feelings, values and strengths that the other person might be trying to get across, but in a not-so-obvious fashion. The idea here is to turn off the “problem-solving” part of the brain when someone comes to you for help, and really listen to what they are saying beneath the words themselves. Another way to do this is to offer positive insights based on what you heard the person say. Remember, “people want to be loves, heard, and made to feel important.”
  3. Share yourself
    1. “Openness is critical for coaching” (119), say Halpern and Lubar in their book. This statement could not be truer, especially in business. It is integral to be vulnerable if you are to be a successful coach. Reveal the chinks in your armor, so to speak, and let others see who you really are; they will be more likely to follow you if you do.

It is important to mention that, although opening up and sharing yourself is necessary if you want to be a successful leader, there is also a limit. The authors suggest doing this in stages (offering bits of information here and there), and seeing how others respond. Don’t tell others your life story the moment you meet them!

The challenge this week is to try to open up and become vulnerable (yes, this will likely be difficult, and possibly even uncomfortable!), and see how others respond to you. Remember, it is all about making connections, and you wont be able to do so if you’re a vault!

Works Cited

Halpern, Belle Linda and Kathy Lubar. Leadership Presence: Dramatic Techniques to Reach Out, Motivate and Inspire. New York: Gotham Books, 2003. Print.

 

Leadership Presence: Reaching Out and Empathy

This week we continue our series on leadership presence – what it is and how we can attain it. Last week we looked at the first aspect of leadership presence, and arguably it’s foundation, being present.

For this next instalment, we will discuss the next step on the path to attaining leadership presence: reaching out with empathy. According to Belle Linda Halpern and Kathy Lubar, authors of “Leadership Presence: Dramatic Techniques to Reach Out, Motivate and Inspire”, reaching out means “the ability to build relationships with others through empathy, listening, and authentic connection” (77).

This may sounds easy or obvious, but in fact is it not. A true leader is someone who reaches out first, and does not wait for opportunities to cross them by. In addition, it is one thing to reach out to others, to seek out opportunities, but if one does so without empathy and compassion, the effect will be lackluster. Both of these characteristics compliment each other and work together to foster leadership.

How Can I Learn to Reach Out and be Empathetic?

There is a saying: “people want to be loved, heard, and made to feel important.” This statement is true in every aspect of life, and especially in business. A true leader will make their colleagues feel heard, and their actions and ideas integral to any business situation. This includes, for example, active listening, as opposed to passive listening, and sensitivity in dealing with potentially awkward situations (such as someone’s terrible idea for a proposal to a potential client). Halpern and Lubar state: “When you know and acknowledge your people and their feelings, they feel more motivated, work more productively, and they’re more likely to stay, even if the going gets though” (89). If you can learn to reach out and be empathetic with your employees, they will be loyal to you and will work harder for you.

If empathy and the ability to reach out doesn’t exactly come natural to you, there are certain actions you can take to encourage this behavior in yourself.

Know What Makes People Tick

Being empathetic does not mean having warm and fuzzy feelings of happiness for the entire population; it simply means understanding someone’s thoughts and feelings. To do this adequately, it is important to get to know the person, and find out what makes them tick, so that you may better understand them in any situation.

Make The Link to Your Own Feelings

 In opposition to sympathy, empathy involves feeling with someone, as opposed to for someone. Therefore, empathy requires you to connect with your own feelings and inner self. Many leaders have the “bad habit” of leaving all their feelings at home before coming to the office. If you do this, your ability to empathize will be gravely affected. We often see this be the case for some in our 360 with clients. Categories of respondents differ in their opinions of the subject. Friends and family will rate their empathy high while colleagues, direct reports and bosses rate it low.

You Can Empathize With Anyone

Naturally, it is easier to empathize with people we like. Empathizing and connecting with others that you may not like or respect can be a challenge, but it is certainly not impossible. Halpern and Lubar suggest thinking about the person with whom you cannot connect with, and trying to find at least one thing (however, the more the better) that you admire about that person, and connecting with them surrounding that. The authors state: “In the end, though, empathy doesn’t involve finding what you like in someone else. It involves finding the humanity in someone else, even in their weakness, and connecting that humanity to your own” (98).

A study of over 38,000 leaders and their organizations (conducted by Hay/McBer), found that “leadership styles that rely heavily on empathy tended to create a more positive company climate {…}” (99), and as we can imagine, a more positive company climate will lead to positive company results.

This week, challenge yourself to connect with others, and especially to those whom you may know you’ll have trouble connecting with. See what a difference empathy can make on your path to developing your leadership presence.

Works Cited

Halpern, Belle Linda and Kathy Lubar. Leadership Presence: Dramatic Techniques to Reach Out, Motivate and Inspire. New York: Gotham Books, 2003. Print.