As a person who talks for a living, I love precise language; I admire people who can say volumes in a few words. It’s an art to be able to laser in on the meat of an issue, cast aside the fluff and lay bare the essence of your thoughts, in brief. It’s especially wonderful to have a conversation with someone with those skills. An artful communicator is easy to trust.

Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversation, says that the conversation is the relationship. So, what are the elements of a conversation that engender trust? And what can people do or say in a conversation that will make people want to trust them enough to take action on what they’re saying?

We decide whom to trust in a variety of ways. Our first impression of someone contributes heavily to whether or not we will trust, and then follow him or her. Simple things like appearance, tone, stance and how much we smile or not can impact the initial trust that people feel towards each other.

Honesty is a great trust builder. Telling the truth in every situation, especially when the truth might not be flattering, is a sure fire way to get people on board with you. I confess that I get suspicious of people who load up conversations with unnecessary personal stories or gossip; I wonder why they’re saying what they’re saying, and what they say to others when I’m not there. I like to chat with people that are straight forward, transparent and are willing to be vulnerable. I especially like those qualities in a leader.

The big trust factors are consistency over time and integrity. Trust is earned and is often based on our past experiences with a person. Burn me one, shame on me…burn me twice – well, you know. Most people don’t trust someone immediately; they want to see how someone performs each time they encounter them. When there is inconsistency in a person’s behaviour, alarms go off and people take an emotional step backwards into safer territory.

Ghandi said, ‘You can’t do right in one area while doing wrong in another – life is an indivisible whole.’ When we see people behaving one way with one crowd and another when the next it makes us uneasy and distrustful. We generally trust someone new with something small; we take a bit of a risk with them, then if that works out, we trust them with larger parts of ourselves, and our lives.

When you’re trying to influence people to take action on what you say, all the trust factors come into play. People will judge your appearance, your non-verbal communication, look at your track record and evaluate what they know about your level of integrity. If you make simple requests, with openness and sincerity you’re more likely to get a following than if you try to impress or bluster your way through the conversation.

———————————————

Subscribe to our FREE monthly newsletter
Download your free Executive Presence Scorecard

Today, however, there’s another lingua franca in the workplace that has become the cornerstone of all business communications. Although often referred to as e-body language, I think “techno-communications” really covers it all — email, cell phones, mobile devices. When we can’t see a person speaking, we look for other interpretative clues to help decipher the message. Words and tone become the carrier pigeons for emails, text messaging and obviously, phone calls.

But just for a minute, let’s return to body language. Professor Albert Mehrabian is frequently quoted for his non-verbal communication research on what’s often called The 3 V’s: visual, vocal, verbal. His published studies indicate that, person-to-person, we interpret messages:
• Visually — 55% from facial expressions
• Vocally — 38% from voice quality and the way words are spoken
• Verbally —7% from the actual words

With techno or e-communications, the relevance of the actual word choice increases dramatically. Obviously, the spoken tone upstages language on phone calls — we hear anger or joy — but with emails, words become the stars of the show. From the minor 7% bit player in face-to-face communication, words now move up to 70%, a big change of roles.

Just for a moment, consider the permanence of email. The sender has no control over the message, in terms of its “replay” frequency or readership. And this is worrisome for the simple reason that as we have become more and more dependent on email and message texting instead of personal meetings, we’ve become not lazy or careless, just less attentive. When it comes to trendspotting, I’m on autopilot, and I’ve noticed this shift. There’s a time for easy-breezy e-chitchat, emoticons and buzzword abbreviations like “BTW,” but business email isn’t the place. I’m not advocating a return to old-fashioned correspondence. Au contraire. Techno-savvy communication is essential in our feverishly fast-paced world. I’m simply pointing out that attention-to-detail is mandatory with every email or text message.

We all make email typos. SpellChecker isn’t clever enough to highlight “tow” when we meant to type “two,” in a hastily composed message. Take an extra minute to proofread; it’s such an easy solution. Robert Whipple, CEO of Leadergrow and author of Understanding E-Body Language, raises an important point:
“Everyone knows that E-mail is different from conversations, but often people do
not consciously change communication patterns based on that knowledge. For
example, people cannot modify content of an e-mail based on the real-time visible reaction of the other party as is possible in face-to-face conversations. Instead, all of the information is presented at once without feedback. Misunderstandings or hurt feelings are common.”

Then there’s the embarrassment-email category. It could be called really-big-blunders and criticism heads the list. Believe me, a follow-up email with an “Oops” subject line just doesn’t strike the right chord! And remember, the original, offensive message is floating around in cyberspace for posterity. When in doubt, put the brakes on. Send the message to yourself and reassess its implications.

Texting’s inherent limitations are in some ways a bonus. We tend to be more forgiving about the often heavily abbreviated and occasionally hieroglyphic content. Mobile devices function as prompters or mini-message boards — it’s the protocols of usage that are the problem. Park your mobile device in your pocket or purse when you attend a meeting. Every time you’re tempted to make an exception, don’t. Remember instead your suppressed sense exasperation when fidgeting fingers signaled you were talking to yourself.

Same story for cell phones. Of course, we all know cell phones must be parked and off before meetings, big or small, but most people seem to think this rule only applies to others. The fact is, from cell phones to emails and mobile devices, techno-communications present a long learning curve. I think we’ve just started the journey.

———————————————

Subscribe to our FREE monthly newsletter

Do you have executive presence? What about your team? Download your free
Executive Presence Scorecard

Many people are reluctant to ask a question. Call it inhibition or self-consciousness, bottom line; it’s good old-fashioned fear — getting in the way. On the other hand, there are folks just waiting to hear the sound of their own voices. Often “specialists” in one-upmanship, they tend to monopolize the time allowed, making everyone uncomfortable.

I’ve compiled a guide to help increase the comfort zone for everyone, so question periods become effective and useful tools.

Maximizing Q & A Period at Your Next Meeting

1. Frame your question carefully before raising your hand.
2. When there’s a large group, wait till you have the microphone, before asking your question.
3. Pause, and wait for the audience to settle down.
4. Briefly thank the speaker. A simple — “Thank you for taking my question” — is sufficient.
5. Don’t use the speaker’s first name unless the atmosphere is casual and all the participants are on equal footing.
6. Introduce yourself but keep it short; “I’m Bob Jones from IT and my question is…..”
7. Speak up. Your brief introduction is a personal sound check. Modify your voice if you think you can’t be heard.
8. One question only is the rule — stay focused. Weaving multiple questions together isn’t fair play.
9. Same goes for a complicated question requiring a long, drawn out answer. This isn’t the right forum for explaining the quantum theory. Keep your question simple.
10. If you’ve already asked your question but sense it overstepped boundaries — too complicated, requires an elaborate answer, has caught the speaker off-guard — immediately back off and say; “I think this is a subject for another time. Thank you.”
11. Avoid sensitive questions that could offend either the speaker or the audience. What works in the movies is just plain rude in real life.

We’d like to hear from you. Please let us know your thoughts.

——————————————————————————————-

Subscribe to our FREE monthly newsletter
Assess your Executive Presence with our NEW Self-Assessment Tool

A great way to educate, inform and receive invaluable feedback

As most of you know, when it comes to blogging, I fall into the neophyte category.  Yes, I’m a social media enthusiast — but the idea of starting a blog was somewhat challenging.  The interaction between the writer and the reader demands a greater sense of responsibility than a tweet, for example. With twitter, you’re definitely in the control tower; you monitor followers and can eliminate perceived “print paparazzi.”  Not so with a blog. You don’t know your followers.

Most students of social media credit Peter Meholz with coining the term “blog” way back in 1999 when he was writing what we then called a weblog, or a diary online.  Over the years, Peter has developed a significant following and as erudite as he is, I think he blogs about not just what’s on his mind, but he seems to know intuitively what’s on our minds.  Interestingly, last month he reported that his blog forecasting the failure of Starbucks’ 15th Avenue Coffee and Tea coffeehouse resulted in more feedback than anything else he’s written.  Hey wait a second — not the economy, not the environment, not a world flu epidemic.  Responsible branding was the attention grabber.

This is precisely why I am so enthusiastic about blogging.  It provides me with a “page” to comment, share, even vent — about what goes on in my very particular professional milieu — and all of you with the opportunity to comment, critique or question in an easy-response format.

That said, I am delighted to know that my recent blog, Introductions 101, prompted the following feedback:

“Just wanted to let you know that I am grateful to you for having invited me as a friend on Facebook.  I read your Blogs on an ongoing basis and I find some quite interesting and helpful.  The most recent, on introducing people, will come in quite handy for me.  As you know I like to socialize, and my work requires that I meet new people on a regular basis.  I just had the President of Bondfield Construction come up to Sudbury from Concorde to meet with me, and members of his organization fly in from Ottawa every second week for meetings.  Every project is a new group of people, from Developers, Architects, Engineers, Sub-Trades right down to Trades people and Labourers, and I always try to meet, greet, and treat people in a respectful and professional manner, regardless of their level of skills or profession.  Reading your Blogs helps to keep me aware and prepared.” Sincerely, John

Please let us know your thoughts; we’d love to hear from you, too!

Read more about what Peter Meholz has to say

———————————————————————————————-

Tuesday, Oct 13, 2009, 5:30pm Pacific, 7:30pm Central and 8:30pm Eastern

Register Now!