Far be it from me to rain on anyone’s parade – particularly that of a wedding party – but I take issue with the current vogue for destination weddings.
Perhaps it’s simply in the interest of avoiding rain that more and more couples are opting to tie the knot far, far away from home. But somehow, I don’t really think that weather is the motivating factor.
That time-honoured refrain, made famous by the 60’s girl group, the Dixie Cups, “Going to the chapel and we’re gonna get married” has been replaced with “Going to Jamaica and we’re….”
Curiously, these travel embracing twenty and thirty something couples are often at the forefront of environmentally conscious, locally focused movements such as Slow Food, Local Food, and the 100 Mile Diet. Socially correct in these environmentally challenged times, all these groups share a common goal of reducing the distance from farm to plate.
Now here’s the contradiction: these couples are asking wedding guests to globe-trot – usually at the guests’ own expense – the same distance that they balk about a head of lettuce traveling. And while the carbon footprint of the lettuce is only a one-way trip, the guests must embark on a return journey, thus doubling their environmental impact in comparison.
Destination weddings typically involve a stay of several days, often a week – especially when an all-inclusive resort is the venue. Aside from the burden of expense, there’s a significant time commitment on the part of attending guests. Then, there are health issues to consider when it comes to older friends and relatives. Another touchy topic is the entire issue of gifts. Every guest “pays the freight,” literally, for the trip. Can they possibly be expected to also buy a celebratory present?
Yes, I’ve heard all the arguments in favour of a beach wedding, or a Disneyland ceremony at Cinderella’s castle, or how Aunt Dodie will see the photos on Facebook.
Bottom line, in my view, destination weddings are an imposition.
“…there are some things that even youth does not excuse.”
Lord Peter Wimsey, Gaudy Night by Dorothy L. Sayers
Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the 100 Mile Diet:
http://100milediet.org
And now, for the dance portion of the programme – courtesy of the Dixie Cups:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GybW2yFjLOk&feature=related
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Posted on July 2nd, 2009 by Diane
Filed under: Weddings
I completely disagree. I am a 30 something who generally tries to buy local and remain environmentally friendly; but, and there is always a but… I do go on vacations overseas, and travel for enjoyment.
There are MANY benefits to a destination wedding.
1. Immediate exclusion of all of those people (i.e. friends of the family that neither the bride nor groom really know) who do not want to spend 1000-2000 to attend a wedding (in my mind the biggest benefit)
2. I HATE it when I have to travel to Toronto from Vancouver to attend a wedding… but do it out of love for friends. I have to take of 2 or 3 days to attend the wedding, and don’t even get a holiday out of it. If I’m going to spend $600 for a flight to Toronto + hotel costs and meals to attend a wedding in Toronto why not make it Cuba, or some other destination where the guests don’t just have to attend a wedding, they can have a vacation (which if they are like me, they would have taken anyways)
3. No, all of the destination weddings that I have been invited to have not accepted gifts. The bride and groom have the same limit as you do on luggage. Don’t bother taking a gift. It is really your presence that makes the occasion, not the ugly fruit bowl.
4. Weddings (local) are impositions on the new couple instead of the guests. If a destination wedding is financially, or time wise, out of the question, don’t go. It’s that simple. The bride and groom understand. A local wedding can run thousands of dollars between venues, photographers, food, liquor etc. etc.
Sorry about the rant… but having been through the planning of my brother’s wedding next week I have sworn that if I get married, I’m eloping or just having a destination wedding.
I’m not necessarily for the destination weddings, but I do understand the appeal.
I think that there are two main reasons for destination weddings that you are forgetting.
First is to limit the list of guests. Because of exactly the reasons you listed in your article, fewer people can come so you’ll only have your family and close friends there instead of 400 people who don’t necessarily get along (try split families for example).
Second, I find that more and more people don’t live where they grew up and their future spouse doesn’t either. Instead of fighting over having the wedding in the maritimes where the bride is from, the west coast where the groom is from or Ontario where the couple lives, why not pick a destination wedding? Everyone’s going to have to travel anyways!
Hmm. Is it true?
Diane,
I must disagree with your posting. Having recently been married in the Caribbean, I feel I must defend the decision made by both my wife and myself. We chose to have a destination wedding for three reasons: Finances, Distance, and Environment.
Financially having a wedding in Canada will cost in excess of $20,000. This is assuming a ceremony for more than twenty people with all the traditional incidentals. Both my wife and I found it difficult to justify spending the equivalent of a down payment of a house, or the price of a luxury car on a single day. We choose the most economically reasonable choice, a destination wedding. For a fraction of the cost of a traditional North American wedding we travelled with friends and family to the Caribbean and had our dream wedding for $6,000, not including my wife’s dress or our rings. This has allowed us to buy a car and now a new house all within six weeks of being married.
The second justification for a destination wedding is distance. My family live a number of hours from where I live, as does my wife’s family. We compromised and said everyone who wants to attend our wedding will have to travel thus preventing any resentment from any party. This was if anything the most democratic way of handling the situation. Asking friends and family to travel thousands of kilometres to another country was not easy, but we knew that if people could make it to our wedding that would be great, if they couldn’t for any reason that was understood as well. Asking people to spend thousands of dollars is not easy, and we knew that many people would not be able to make it, and harbour no resentment towards them.
As a person who cares about the state of the planet, the environmental concern was there, however logically we made the more environmentally sound choice. The food for the wedding was local, the flowers were not imported or grown industrially and our contribution to the local economy of a developing nation only helps with global trade and the betterment of the people. Also, why would you not want to have the day of your dreams be in paradise? It was our choice and everyone who attended agreed that it was an amazing service.
No gift was expected from the attendees. The fact that they were with us to witness our marriage was a gift enough. Those who were not able to attend were not expected to give a gift either.
My wife and I lived together for over a year prior to joining in matrimony, and wanted to go on vacation together. We thought, why not have our friends and family join us if they can, and while we are on this vacation let us express our love and affection by becoming husband and wife.
To adamantly be against destination weddings, is unreasonable. It is financially smart, environmentally friendly, and democratic. I say having a large fairy book wedding with an attached price tag that is greater than the price of a University education is irresponsible and illogical.
Thank you for all your comments. You make several good points and your input is much appreciated. None of our children are married. I wonder what their decision will be when the time comes. I will be sure to let you know. This will be a decision taken by them and their bride (all sons). One thing for sure — it will be their decision, not mine.
Dear Ryan:
Sounds like you had a beautiful wedding ceremony and a magical day. Congratulations. I clearly understand all the points you make and the reasons behind your decision.
Perhaps you might consider having a renewal of your vows before your first anniversary. It could take place at your home or a friend’s place. You could show the pictures of your wedding and tell everyone it was a fabulous day, and the only thing missing was their company.
Of course, you would invite only those you know, truly care about you and your bride. They are likely people you too wished had been there. Therefore, it is clear I am not referring to distant cousins or friends of your parents you have never met.
When our sons get married, there is no doubt that no matter where it is we will be there. Although they know, we hope it will be on familiar ground.
Kindest regards,
Yes, you may.